Hold it Right There, Mr Tentacles
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Alternate ending to the episode "Squidville".


"I kind of don't feel like playing my clarinet today…" said Squidward solemnly as he stepped away from the gazebo.

Squidward made his way back to the park where he plopped down on the park bench and sulked in his boredom. "Might as well rename this place 'Squidward's Paradise'," he said. "Or perhaps… 'Too Much Paradise…"

Suddenly the sound of a leaf blower caught his attention. He turned excitedly, hoping that even a mite tinge of chaos had made its way into the mundanity. "SpongeBob?" he gasped.

But it was not the chipper young sea sponge, just another tightwad of a cephalopod cleaning off the park grounds with said instrument.

Squidward could no longer bear the immensely dull culture he had assimilated into. He rose from the bench and ran toward his neighbour and piledrived him into the ground with a quick lunge.

"Ow!" said the other octopus. "Why did you do such a thing?"

"Because I am a hero of the lives among us all," Squidward whispered into the other's ear and then he blasted a blimp out of the sky with his laser tentacles.

The blimp fell and landed on many innocent bystanders. They were all consumed by the flames and became the most delicious calamari ever prepared by the hands of an absolute legend.

"This is madness…" said Squidward's foe.

"This is Squidville!" cried Squidward as he kicked the man into building. Squidward then put on some cargo shorts and ran through town to the nearest market. At the market, he procured all of the grape soda and stashed it in his pockets.

"Stop, Squidward!" cried a familiar voice.

"SpongeBob?" Squidward gasped with a tear in his eye.

"You can't be wreaking havoc so…" SpongeBob said tearing up as well. Mr. Krabs, Gary, and Patrick appeared behind him in sackcloth.

"So the ritual has begun…" Squidward said intensely as he pulled out his bazooka and blasted Gary's shell off.

"Gosh!" cried Patrick. He tore of his garb, revealing his mighty six-pack abs.

"You will fall by my hand…" Squidward growled as he charged his Special Ink Cannon.

"This lad is harshly critical in his tone and nose!" Mr. Krabs yelled as he took out his wallet and slid on his roller skates. "I'll use my own power! Chaos Spear!"

Mr. Krabs shot a laser of radiant energy at Squidward. Squidward consumed it with his nose and amplified his own pecky-abby goodness.

"Buttz, man…" said SpongeBob. He took a rocket launcher out of his ear and licked it for good luck.

"Outta da way, SpongeBob!" roared Squidward as he did the Wuxi Finger Hold and destroyed the lost colony of Atlantis Squarepantis.

Patrick wept for Atlantis and sag "Under Pressure". His abs then grew into a sixteen-pack and he used them to climb walls like Spiderman.

And then Spiderman actually showed up. He punched the wall with his spider powers and showed off his amazing toe.

Squidward marveled at Spiderman's awesome might. He ran up to the dude and handed him a monkey wrench.

The monkey wrench allowed Spiderman to learn math and he taught gary how to tie his shoes.

SpongeBob gasped. "Gary! I thought you knew how to tie shoes because you saved my life all those stinkin' years ago!"

"Meow…" rasped Gary as he pulled out his guitar and played stellar hits. He then died due to the pressure of the current snail economy.

SpongeBob bawled so much that day, more than he ever had before. He then took out a lightsaber. "I'll destroy you, Squidward!"

"My abs say nay!" roared Squidward as he absorbed Spiderman and made his pecs and abs invincible.

Mr. Krabs rushed forward and delivered two Krabby Patties upon Squidward's abs. But Squidward was too strong for fast food.

Mr. Krabs fell to the ground and faded away into ash.

SpongeBob cried out in horror and stuck his left pinky toe into Patrick's jar of peanut butter.

"What is this attack on life?" mused Squidward as his eyes glowed like Sans Undertale.

"My faith is not rapt in ire!" screamed SpongeBob as he released all of his PB-enhanced toe fluid and quelled all of Squidward's madness.

Gary and Mr. Krabs looked down at SpongeBob from the heavens. They were standing beside Zeus and Mufasa. "Good job, lad…" Mr. Krabs wept.

"Meow…" said Gary.

Squidward fell to the ground and licked one more taco. It was a fine day for fettuccini.

 **FIN**


End file.
